Fire raged. Chakotay watched Tom Paris as he dragged himself from the wreckage of his shuttle and crawled to his friends. He fought with a cockpit that was holding a pretty girl down, seeing Chakotay he called to him, �Help me! She�s hurt!�

�So are you.� Chakotay thought to himself, but sighing he went to help Paris, he had to talk to him. �Paris, you have to listen to me.�

�Help me save Odile and I�ll do anything you want,� Tom promised.

�Paris this isn�t real. You�re reliving this. You�re trapped in your own mind, reliving all your bad memories. I need you to listen to me. There�s something you can�t come to grips with, and I want to help you. But I need your corroperation.�

Tom snorted, �You�re crazy friend.[pause] It�s too late. She�s dead.� He collapsed, just, crumpled.

A funeral. Tom was scrubbed and dressed in a smart suit. He held his younger sisters� hands firmly, there were tears streaming silently down his cheeks.

�How long is this supposed to take?�Janeway asked, regarding the limp figures of her First Officer and Chief Pilot.

�A day or so. Considering Mr. Paris�s stubborness it�ll probably take several days.�

Janeway nodded, �Keep me informed,� Looking at Tuvok she guestured with her head for him to follow her and left the sickbay.

It wasn�t Vanessa�s fault really. She was only two. She lost her favorite doll and began to cry. Captain Owen Paris had no patience. He slapped her when she refused to stop crying. A stunned Chakotay watched as a seven year old Tom Paris interceded, standing protectively in front of her. Standing tall he stared accusingly at his father, �Father, you�ve had too much to drink, you should take a hypo.�

�Don�t you order ME boy.� Owen snarled, �I�ve a mind to take you over my knee and spank you.�

�Don�t touch the girls.� Was Tom�s only response. He loved his father with all his hero worshiping seven year old heart. But the girls were his responsibility. Mom had said so. Owen Paris looked at his shaking youngest, being held by her 4 year old older sister. Backing up, Tom put his arms around both of them, never allowing his eyes to stray from his father�s. Owen grunted and stomped away.

Tom dropped to his knees and brought the girls to him and held them tightly. �Tommy,� asked Lilian, �Does Daddy hate us?�

�No, he just misses Mom, and it makes him do stupid things like drink, don�t worry, he goes back on duty the day after tommorow.�

�Who�ll take care of us?�

�I will�

Back at the court room. Chakotay was surprised. He�d decided that the best way to figure out Tom Paris was to watch the memories he went through. Where was prison itself? Why were they back here? Tom ignored him as he waited and silently heard the judges find him guilty.

�You�re 10 years old now, plenty old enough to go off to the Academy. Vanessa and Lilian are going to private girls schools. I�ll expect you to conduct yourself accordingly at the Academy, like a Paris, and do me proud.�

�Yes father.�

�Good. Dismissed�

�I can�t believe this!�

�Father�

�My own son, getting a B in physics.�

�Father, I�m only 10, and I have class with people 5, 7 years older than me.�

Doesn�t matter, you�re a Paris. You should be doing better.�

He got up. Walking over to a cabinate he opened it and got out a large rod. �I�ll just have to motivate you better.Take off your pants and bend over.�

Puzzled Tom obeyed. Chakotay watched in horror. Owen wasn�t going to... he was.

Owen Paris brought the rod up and delivered a swift blow to Tom�s rump. Startled, Tom let out a yelp. This infuriated Owen and his next strike was harder. �Paris�s don�t show pain� he groweled. Chakotay tried to intervene but was unable to interact with Owen.

Damn, no wonder Paris had problems. No, Tom, not Paris. Definitely NOT Paris.

A fifteen year old Tom Paris was doubled over. His father sat in a chair, watching him calmly, glass of wine in hand. A bottle of C-16SQ, a very illegal chemical used by Cardassian�s to torture victums revealed the source of Tom�s pain. Chakotay had had enough. He grabbed Tom�s arm,

Back at the court AGAIN. Chakotay still had a grip on Tom�s arm. �Tom. I understand, your father abused you, but you have to understand, it wasn�t your fault.�

Tom looked at him funny, �Of course it is. I�m a screw up. I ruin everything for him.She was the only one who thought I did right and I failed her, just like I failed my friends at Caldik Prime.� Chakotay was very confused, �Her? Your Mother? How did you fail her?What is it? Why are we here?�

�She always told me to follow my heart and do what I thought was right. But I didn�t I told them I was just with the Maquis for the money. I thought it�d get me a reduced sentance, I betrayed her. Just like I did you.�

Somewhere in the back of Chakotay�s mind he noticed that Tom seemed to have stopped denying his exsistance. �You slipped up, you got frightened, I doubt your mom would blaim you.�

Tears fell from Tom�s eyes, �But I failed her. I fail everyone. No one can trust me. Mom trusted me to do the right thing and I failed her, Odile trusted me to guide out flight and I failed her, Father trusted me to carry on the pride of the family name and I failed him, You trusted me to get you help and I failed you, Nessa and Lily trusted me to take care of them and I failed them, I got cashierd out of Starfleet, got thrown in jail, and then lost in the Delta Quadrant, I can�t take care of them here.� He sobbed. Bending over and clutching his stomach. He sobbed brokenly.

�Shhh,� Chakotay wrapped his arms around Tom, pulling the other man to him, �You couldn�t help it, it�s not your fault, you didn�t fail them by getting lost in the Delta Quadrant, the Caretaker did that.�

�But who�s to protect them from him now?�

�Your father?�

�I love him, but he�s hard, I made sure he didn�t know it when they made mistakes. Made sure they were only with him during public events, but I can�t do that here. I failed. I FAILED!�

�Shh, Tom, you�re remarkable, you kept them safe ever since you were 7, you�re a brilliant, amazing, compassionate, strong man and it�s an honor to serve with you.�

�You�re just saying that to make me feel better, you hate me, you think I�m a traitor.�

�No, No, I admit I thought you were a traitor. I thought a lot of things about you that were wrong, I see that now, but I never hated you. I couldn�t hate you.� He turned Tom�s face until he could look in his eyes, �I love you too much to hate you,� He murmerd, and then brought his lips down to softly caress Tom�s.
Chapter 9